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Projecting the Perfect Image

Written: January 31, 2008
E-mail form to "My Family, Friends, and Outlaws"

Well......it's been quite some time since I've written a note, but what happened to me this morning was most definitely "story worthy".

I take great pride in my job and this includes projecting a professional appearance at all times. Today, several coworkers from different Cardinal Hill centers across the state were coming to a training class that I was conducting on database development. This included our legal counsel and several director level coworkers. This was the day for me to be "sharp"!

I began my day by putting in my "eyes" (contact lenses), brushing my teeth, and hopping into the shower. Upon exiting the shower, I decide it's best if I floss my teeth since I've spent a fortune on them the last three years and it is just good dental hygiene. I am one of those dental patients who brushes, then flosses, and then the final rinse with Listerine that takes off the first layer of skin inside your mouth. Ooo....sparkling clean!

One word of advice for all of you who have crowns on your teeth...even temporary crowns like I have on at the moment...Be sure to always pull the floss out horizontally and not pull down around the crown because the crown just might coming flying out of your mouth, hit the mirror at a bounce that would injure anyone in it's path, and land mere inches from the sink drain, but you don't realize it is mere inches from the sink drain because you are busy on your hands and knees in your underwear looking for that STUPID TEMPORARY CROWN SO THAT YOUR COWORKERS FROM THE OTHER CENTERS WHO SEE YOU ONCE A YEAR WON'T THINK YOU ARE SOME KIND OF REDNECK GIRL WITH MISSING TEETH!

After about 20 minutes, I finally resolved that I would either 1) go to work without that crown or 2) go to the store and buy a box of Chick-lets and try to devise a tooth like Dennis the Menace devised for Mr. Wilson. As I was wallowing in self pity, I looked down and there lay my "magic tooth". I then wrestled it in my mouth and after 10 minutes of trying to get it back in, I discovered that I had put it in backwards! At this point, I say a really vile word (Lord forgive me) and then look at myself in the mirror and pray to God that I don't have a heart attack and die right here in the bathroom in my underwear holding this stupid !%# crown! I finally wrestled it back in the right way.

I dry my hair, put on my makeup, change my clothes three times for the perfect outfit, put on the perfect jewelry (gifts from Mr. Frey), and put on these beautiful "they're gonna hurt my feet all day" shoes that match the perfect outfit and perfect jewelry.

Needless to say, it takes a lot of work to look this sharp every day and I did project the professional image today. About the time that I walked through the door of the training room, I feel this "breaking free" feeling in my feet. You got it...my toes went through my panty hose and I could feel the hole getting larger and larger. I excused myself and went to the restroom where I tied a knot at the very end of those danged panty hose that had to be invented by a man just like those "they're gonna hurt my feel all day" shoes that I put on my corn-ridden feet!

The class went well and no one knew the difference nor what the morning had brought for me. The moral of this story is that you don't have to feel sharp, you just have to look it to project that professional image!

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